Why do some alcoholics seriously believe there’s nothing wrong with them?
Posted by adminJan 31
I have to say that if I were an alcoholic (like my father) there is no way I could NOT realize something was wrong. He is an absolute drunk and has been since I was born (25 years ago) but he REFUSES to believe there is anything wrong with him. How can he not realize he’s a raging drunk? He falls asleep in bars, falls asleep in his car, falls off of chairs, forgets everything from the night before, has ruined his relationship with my sister and I and cheated on my mom due to drinking. WTF?
32 comments
Comment by kymkam on 01/31/2011 at 6:10 am
that is what they keep telling themselves.
Comment by mj0122 on 01/31/2011 at 6:19 am
maybe its not so much that he doesnt realize it but more that he doesnt want to admit it.
Comment by Dede on 01/31/2011 at 6:52 am
they dont want to believe anything is wrong with them. its called denial.
Comment by caly925 on 01/31/2011 at 7:26 am
one word.. DENIAL
Comment by EverythingMore on 01/31/2011 at 7:52 am
They are in extreme denial.
Comment by Kevin on 01/31/2011 at 8:13 am
Judgement is impaired, even after the alcohol has left the system
Comment by me on 01/31/2011 at 8:56 am
denial. They have a serious illness and there is no way to help them until they 1. realize they have a problem and 2 WANT to change. I’m sorry you had to grow up like that. my dad is an alcoholic too but he’s been sober for about 5 years now.
Comment by BB on 01/31/2011 at 9:55 am
It is a severe desease. Sad but true.
Comment by lia on 01/31/2011 at 10:41 am
he knows he is wrong but it has gone to far, he won’t admit it because he thinks that he will lose his pride. One day he will see what he has done, and already probably does so he is drinking away tha pain too
Comment by Lez on 01/31/2011 at 11:13 am
To answer your question, because he is always under the influence of alcohol.
It’s really hard to think straight when your drunk.
Comment by butterfliesRfree on 01/31/2011 at 12:12 pm
Alcoholics DO know there is something wrong….but they aren’t going to admit it due to the fact they are not ready to quit drinking. You are not the only child of an alcoholic — I AM TOO — SO ARE LIKE A GAZILLION people in the world. Unless and until he wants to do something about it, there’s nothing you can do.
Comment by Whynot on 01/31/2011 at 12:28 pm
It’s called denial. It’s real and it’s serious. Have a video camera? USE IT. Show him how he is when he drinks. When the denial is over, the healing process can begin. Alcoholism isn’t a personal problem, it’s a FAMILY problem. Pony up and show him the error of his ways.
I am sorry you have this to battle with all of life’s problems, but it CAN be dealt with. If not you then who? you are 25 years old- you KNOW he won’t stop on his own. All you can do is try…
Comment by Melissa on 01/31/2011 at 1:27 pm
I don’t know why most of them don’t. My father is a recovering alcoholic. It took him spending a week in jail, losing the house and me going to therapy for him to finally get his butt in gear. I constantly worry about him back sliding. It’s really hard on the loved ones of people like that. I’m sorry your family has to deal with it. I wish I had some advice to give you, just try and keep your head up. Lean on your sister and mom if you can. Good luck.
Comment by meluv2bfit on 01/31/2011 at 1:50 pm
It must have been awful growing up with a drunk father. But just as your father made these choices in his life, you can make your own choices for your life. I don’t think you’ll find an answer to your question, other than the effect of alcoholism itself.
Comment by Luci D on 01/31/2011 at 2:46 pm
Many people hide the truth about themselves from themselves. It is not an unusual thing to do. People who are not alcoholics, but who have other serious problems will not look at them.
You have to be able to forgive and forget the hurt he is causing you. He has entangled you in a terrible web of his problems and it is controlling you in that you think about it and focus on it.
When you become free of him and his problems you will not worry about it anymore, and will focus on your own life, and your own interests, and your own dreams.
–
Comment by Deeds31 on 01/31/2011 at 2:55 pm
Alot of them beleive they are functioning alchohalics. They do not realize they have a problem because they are so addicted. I pray for your sake he will see the error of his ways and get some treatment. Try videotaping him when he is like that so he can see how he is. God bless you and good luck!
Comment by Sheep Herder on 01/31/2011 at 2:55 pm
good question. I don’t understand it myself.
Comment by iceblood16 on 01/31/2011 at 3:00 pm
Yeah my dad left when i was 10 weeks and that !@#$ still beleives that
Comment by Ani on 01/31/2011 at 3:57 pm
Its a part of the disease. Just like many people that are clinically depressed really dont know there is a serious problem.
Comment by Mr. Blank on 01/31/2011 at 4:43 pm
Its not necessarily true that they don’t realize anything is wrong with them, rather they don’t care, or don’t care to change. I’ve had a problem drinking for years, and it wasn’t until I was told by my best friends counsellor, that if I expected her to quit drinking, i would have to stop to, so first I slowed down. Then I ended up going to jail for a couple of months for a breach of bail (I was on bail because of drinking and driving), after being sober for that amount of time I finally had a chance to step back and take a look at myself, and realize that I had been wasting my money, ruining relationships, and ruining my own life in the process. I started to become more aware of my close friends drinking problems. The only thing you can really do is provide support when people decide they want to change on their own, trying to force someone to change isn’t going to work, hell, I know it never worked for me. So until some major turning point allows your father to sober up long enough to see the damage he has been causing, he is going to continue on this path of self destructiveness.
Comment by euros022 on 01/31/2011 at 5:38 pm
The reason they believe nothing is wrong with them is because as soon as they accept they have a problem they are then responsible for doing something about it. Perhaps he is not ready to change. Unfortunately it is not uncommon for them to loose absolutley everything including their soul before they do something about their problem. Even if they loose everything sometimes its still not enough.
When he is ready he will seek out help, in the meantime the only thing you can do to help him is to remove yourself from the realationship, at least whilst he is drinking.
Comment by Al Rozz on 01/31/2011 at 5:41 pm
Chronic Alcoholics have no idea what they’re doing after the brain actually shuts down. They are a complete menace to society and even worse behind the wheel of an auto.
Thank your Police everyday for taking these killers off the streets.
Comment by Flat_out_Bob on 01/31/2011 at 6:08 pm
The Alcoholic is always the last one to know. Next time he falls off a chair leave him where he falls it sounds tough but so what. I hope you and your sister are old enough to understand. No I’m not going to tell you it’s not his fault because it is. Have any of you been to Alon? I hope I spell it right. It may take tough love. good luck
Comment by Girly Martini on 01/31/2011 at 6:29 pm
I think you need to attend an Al-anon meeting in order to gain some understanding of what the disease of alcoholism has done to your dad’s brain.
You don’t really know what’s going on in his head – he may very well realize that he is a raging alcoholic but feels powerless to stop it. He might not realize how bad it is – being in the depths of alcoholism can make your perception wacky.
Imagine that you are in a hole – and it is pitch black – inside and out – you don’t know how deep the hole is – it could be 5 feet deep or 50 but because there is no light for you to see by you just can’t tell how far you have to climb to get out. This is what your dad’s whole life is like – he has been slowly slipping deeper and deeper in the hole for 25 years and has lost all perspective on how deeply he has fallen.
Until he hits the absolute rock bottom he will not be able to see how deep he is. It may take him getting arrested, losing his home, his job, his wife, all of his loved ones or ___ to wake him up to the fact that he is seriously ill.
Please go to an Al-anon meeting – you don’t have to participate if you don’t feel comfortable – you can just go and observe if that’s what you are comfortable with. Don’t go for your dad’s sake – go for yours. Living with an alcoholic is extremely rough and you need to learn how to keep yourself safe – emotionally and mentally (and physically, also, if need be) – from his disease.
Good luck – my thoughts and best wishes will be with you.
Comment by duck on 01/31/2011 at 6:58 pm
Your Dad is addicted to one of the worst drugs there is. And what makes it even worse it’s legal. Your Dad is sick. The government should be offering help for people like me and your Dad. They support the sell of alcahol knowing that it kills,mames,destroy’s families and business and financial ruin and the list goes on and on. I’m one of the lucky ones 6 yrs. sober after 40 yrs. of being someone i didn’t even know. There is hope but he has to be willing to help his self. Attend an alanon meeting. It’s a group of loved ones of alcaholics. I think you will find a lot of answers there.
Comment by Jan B on 01/31/2011 at 7:50 pm
some day when he wakes up feeling quilty there may be some one from AA at his side. You see you have never been there so you don’t understand his problem. so to save face there is nothing wrong with hime.
Do your self a favor go to an AA meeting they are all over. pick up a book on the 12 steps. I know it is easy to judge I have an Alcoholic son. There is allon but between the 2, I personal think going to the AA meeting is where its at.
There is help but it has to come from another alcholic, and when you Dad is just waking up from a drunken escapade.
This is when he is real sorry for all the harm and problems he has caused. Getting drunk is no fun any more and the Alochol is not attaching him. He needs help you can help just by going to the AA meetings, you self and ask for help!!
this is a sickness and is passed from genration to generation.
Been the and back
Jannette
Comment by deltaqueen on 01/31/2011 at 8:28 pm
Denial is a big symptom of the disease of alcoholism, until he really hits a bottom, he will likely never admit that he has a problem.
One way to get them to realize that they have a problem is to stop enabling him and suggest to other friends and family members to do the same.
For example, no more cleaning up his messes, no more saving dinner until he gets home if he is out drinking, when the bar calls and says he has fallen asleep again and needs a ride home, don’t go, let him call a cab. He had enough $ to drink, he should have enough for a cab ride., And most importantly if and when he goes to jail, LEAVE him there…that is one of the greatest eyeopeners that I can think of.
Probably the person that gets hurt the most enables him the most and that is your Mom. There isn’t much you can do about that, she loves him, but you might mention to her that this has been going on for your whole life and you are really at your wits end. Maybe inorder to help you she may lay down some conditions to him?????? Is always a touchy subject and all families are differant of course, so that may not be best for you.
If you really think that you need some answers where this problem is concerned you might look in to some Al Anon
meetings. It is a group of sober people who are dealing with
dependant family members or significant others. You can
really learn alot of coping skills from these meetings.
I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this, just remember nothing is your fault and ultimately it is his sh** to deal with.
Good Luck!
Comment by OnThisPage on 01/31/2011 at 8:46 pm
denial works for their lifestyle.
Comment by Boudreaux on 01/31/2011 at 9:29 pm
Tomorrow, you pick up the phone and you call this number:
1-888-4Al-Anon (1-888-425-2666)
This is an organization that is designed to help YOU. You can speak with someone on the phone and they will help guide you.
Alcoholism is a serious disease. Trying to understand it is something that doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, and even alcoholics themselves are still trying to understand. BUT, “To help them you have to help yourself.”
Have you ever not realized how hungry that you were until you ate or smelled food? An alcoholic is someone that has not realized that they have a problem. It is very frightening for them to admit this truth because it is painful, embarrassing, lonely, and humiliating. We often times hate to admit that what we are doing is hurtful to others or even ourselves because nobody sets out to hurt of be hurt. It may seem easier to remain in denial.
Some people require an intervention. Others have to have a life changing experience that “forces” them to deal with their disease. Some will continue to go onward in their destructive path and never learn. And you are now stuck in their pathway. An alcoholic is lost in a hurricane of emotions.
If your father were to stop drinking, he could die. He is physically and emotionally addicted to this drug. He may have to go through medical detox, but certainly he needs treatment. If he drinks daily, and he stops, he will become shakey, have diarrhea, and develop flu like symptoms.
If he refuses to get treatment then YOU need to get treatment, so that you can try to understand the mentality of an alcoholic and help yourself.
Al-Anon and Alateen are international organizations with a membership of more than half a million men, women and teens, providing a Twelve Step program of recovery for friends and family members of alcoholics
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
When you go to these meetings and see other people whose lives are affected by an alcoholic, you will began to learn that … the partner of the alcoholic also needs to live by a spiritual program and have a support network. Otherwise you can never recover, yourself, and you cannot help your dad on his path to recovery when he is going to need you.
“Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the alcoholic with particular behavioral patterns. They may enable the addiction to continue by shielding the alcoholic from the negative consequences of his actions. Such behaviors are referred to as codependence. In this way, the alcoholic is said to suffer from the disease of addiction, whereas the family members suffer from the disease of codependence.”
Good luck. You are going to need every ounce of your strength. And if you love him and yourself you will do what you have to do.
Comment by Jax on 01/31/2011 at 10:01 pm
all the alcohol has altered his brain chemistry. he’s definitely not the same person he was 26 years ago
Comment by Martha J on 01/31/2011 at 10:39 pm
If they admitted that something was wrong with them then they would have to do something about it. If nothings wrong, then they can just keep doing what they want.
Comment by Academy& Clockworthy on 01/31/2011 at 10:58 pm
I grew up/ am in the process of growing up like that too.
Simple thing is, let them kill themselves. There’s nothing we can do if they don’t want help.