My Mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Her brother, my uncle, was diagnosed with schizophrenia and committed suicide at 17 years old (he wasn’t taking his medication).

At times I wonder if I have bipolar disorder. There was a point a month ago where I couldn’t stop crying, I felt very low, I even contemplated ODing. I told my Father and he wanted me admitted to an inpatient program.

Signs:
-I’ve felt severely depressed on-and-off ever since I was in eighth grade. I could 2-3 days without sleeping. All the while I wasn’t sleeping I’d be crying.

-As I got older I dabbled into heavy drugs (pot, cocaine, opiates). Thank god I’ve cleaned myself up, I’ve been sober for three months.

-I can either become very violent or very sad. I’ve gone off (screaming, yelling) on people I call friends. When I come down from these violent spells I sometimes wonder how I ever got to that point.

-My Father says he notices sometimes I don’t eat for days on end. It’s not that I purposely starve myself, I just am not hungry. I drink a lot of coffee. I’m 5’5 and 104lbs.

-Sometimes I have the inability to even get out of bed. I can sleep until 5-7pm. I usually can’t sleep until 6-7am. During school days I sleep around 3-4am.

-Once,during a school day, I couldn’t sleep until 5am and I came into school with blood shot eyes.

-My Father doesn’t believe in medication because of what he has seen it does to people. My Mother has heavily self medicated herself since I was young. Currently I’m taking St.John’s Wart. He tries to make it into a tea form for me but it doesn’t work. I usually sneak the pills when he’s at work and I’ll take about 3-4 of them. It calms me down and helps me stop thinking for 4-5 hours.

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