40 comments

1. 

   Comment by aks c on 05/19/2010 at 3:25 am

   yes

2. 

   Comment by koog g on 05/19/2010 at 3:40 am

   -He is 30 this Friday, and has been living in his mother’s house for the past 6 years

   END IT

3. 

   Comment by You know! on 05/19/2010 at 4:19 am

   If you’re asking that question, yes.

   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWskI5-C4kk

4. 

   Comment by hkdx95 on 05/19/2010 at 4:57 am

   yes, of course you should

5. 

   Comment by Drake W on 05/19/2010 at 5:32 am

   no! he’ll get mad

6. 

   Comment by dudiedood on 05/19/2010 at 6:09 am

   This guy will be a drag on you for the rest of your life, ditch him now.

7. 

   Comment by crazy8eddie on 05/19/2010 at 6:45 am

   Sounds like you are the mother in this relationship. He is immature and may never grow up.

8. 

   Comment by *Pinky* on 05/19/2010 at 6:56 am

   Yes I think you should if he is going on 30 and still living with parents there is a problem there.

9. 

   Comment by broc1212 on 05/19/2010 at 7:31 am

   Stop being dysfunctional and end it asap. Finish school and move on with your life. He will never change.

10. 

    Comment by sol on 05/19/2010 at 8:06 am

    wow, if hes putting a COMPUTER, something that is slightly meaningless compared to a relationship, its not healthy to say the least, and instead of getting annoyed he should get off his lazy a.s.s and get a job, if a computer is more important than keeping you happy, its not good, and should be ended, because it obviously is stressing you out. best of luck

11. 

    Comment by Jeanette S-H on 05/19/2010 at 8:21 am

    sit down and tell him where you are at. if he still doesnt care to change…then you need to break it off asap. love can only get you so far….

12. 

    Comment by slim on 05/19/2010 at 8:43 am

    Tell him you love him but its getting harder and harder to see a future with him because of his behavior. itll scare him but show him that you do love him. good luck

13. 

    Comment by HunnyBunny626 on 05/19/2010 at 9:14 am

    Talk to him and say you have some concerns that you need to get out and say he needs to listen to you and explain that your not trying to nag him your trying to be responsible in your relationship. If he refuses to listen and you don’t feel like your getting anywhere break up with him because honestly he doesn’t seem worth it. If you let him go he will probably see how much you meant to him and will change his ways if not there are plenty of fish in the sea.

14. 

    Comment by Angie on 05/19/2010 at 9:40 am

    His problems are his and his alone. Don’t beat yourself up just because his birthday is coming up. Don’t drag it out and make it worse. If you aren’t in a healthy relationship it’s not worth it!

15. 

    Comment by * <3 * on 05/19/2010 at 10:33 am

    wait until he takes his finals. seriously do not break up with him during the holidays and before those tests. not only will he do poorly on those tests- he probably wont even take them if u dump him. u say u cant picture urself without him but after explaining your views on him u pretty much made it clear that its what u wana do. he doesnt sound like a winner to me. and the reason his mom nags at him is bc he is still at home…thats gota suck for her. well anyways…if he doesnt make u happy then leave him. but do NOT do it before those important days. him passing is whats gona get him ahead in life..

16. 

    Comment by I love olivia so god damn much on 05/19/2010 at 11:10 am

    Yes defintely. I am 15 this saturday and I do more work then him by the sounds of it

17. 

    Comment by Kimmy on 05/19/2010 at 11:16 am

    Dump him. If he is acting like that now saying you nag all the time then he will do it when you get married too. He obviously has extreme issues with his mother and the fact that he wont get a job and is 30 is just irresponsible. If you want to see yourself in a trailer park in 5 years with 10 kids while he sits all day watching football and yelling at you (eventhough he doesnt work) then yeah go ahead and stay with him!

18. 

    Comment by Meeko77 on 05/19/2010 at 12:16 pm

    It seems like you two are on different paths in life. Your boyfriend is a grown man and should have his own things…a job being one of them. I know he had ADHD but I know ppl with it and it doesn’t stop them from living normal lives and handling thier business. What are you going to do with a 30 yr old that still in school, lives with mom, no job…what, is he suppossed to move in with you once you find your own place and graduate from school? If you can do school and two jobs then he can too. I’m not saying break it off but its time for a serious discussion because its clear that even with as much as you love him you aren’t happy and this can eb a big issue later when you’re possible looking at marriage. If you have a talk and it doesn’t turn out good, then maybe take some space until he gets it together or if you feel its appropriate break it off completely. This would be a good time just to focus on yourself anyways. Good Luck!

19. 

    Comment by skyhawk fo life on 05/19/2010 at 12:22 pm

    hmm.. if you really love him and theres a strong connection then i’d say wait until hes done with school and starts his career.. if you really loved him you would wait!

20. 

    Comment by cuteygirl0855 on 05/19/2010 at 12:58 pm

    It’s hard to say. Maybe wait after the holidays to break it off? He seems like he isn’t putting the effort to finish school and get a job. He doesn’t have a goal-oriented mind-set. There are other awesome guys out there. Take the risk and leave him.

21. 

    Comment by tony c on 05/19/2010 at 1:31 pm

    My opinoin, you have to end it. A relationship is about two people, if you don’t have communication its not going to work no matter how much love is in it.

    From your post, he seems like a “normal deadbeat.” You state all of his “problems/issues” but you don’t say what do you want. Your decision has to be about you….yes, if you two breakup he might go into a deprestion or it might have him wake-up and realize what is going on….

    If I were in your shoes…. I would break-up with him. Yes it would be hard, but you have to think about yourself and what you want out of life. If he thinks your “nagging” now, where would you two be in a few years?

    Hope everything works out!

22. 

    Comment by <3kk<3 on 05/19/2010 at 1:45 pm

    oh hunny…..u should definatly break up with him and i know it will be hard because you love him and all, but think about it this way:

    the point of dating is to find the one that you will eventually marry and spend the rest of your life with. this man does not sound like he takes life seriously and he is already 30 YEARS OLD!!! at that age, behavior most likely will not change. my uncle is 40 and still lives with my grandparents WITH his child and no job. its pathetic. so the question is how long do you want to keep wasting your time with this guy that prolly wont ever be the responsible man that you want to marry?

23. 

    Comment by xSouthwindx on 05/19/2010 at 2:11 pm

    Well you shouldn’t dump him because of his family, we cannot pick who our parents are.

    However, with that being said if he has no ambition to get a degree and a decent job you should leave him. He has no goals or dreams and that will continue if you stick with him.

24. 

    Comment by Paris on 05/19/2010 at 3:00 pm

    you’re such a smart girl getting good grades dont waste ur time with him. find someone in at ur school or at ur job who is going places. not a bum.

25. 

    Comment by Sebastian J on 05/19/2010 at 3:45 pm

    wow. sorry to say but the best thing to do is to break up with him. There are men at 30 who are successful lawyers already..some with a started family. Living at his parents house? I’m embarrassed to be living here..and I’m only 19..if a man isn’t on his own by the age of 21..there are two things wrong 1) he has downs syndrome or some sort of mental impairment or 2) he depends on others for rent/food etc.. You shouldn’t worry about hurting him…if anything its better that his birthday is coming up. When you have dinner with him (if you do) on that day..talk to him about it more intimately. Tell him that you feel like he needs to make changes in order for your relationship to maintain this beautiful connection you brag about. And if he continues to take it as a joke…give yourself some space from him..just a few days..think about it thoroughly and decide what you want at this point in your life. And if he is not part of it..don’t be scared to break up with him. People never leave until they die..maybe a break up is neccessary to turn his working batteries on…he may make the changes and comeback to you..or he may never make them and you will not regret breaking him off.

26. 

    Comment by *~*~* on 05/19/2010 at 4:20 pm

    Girl, this seems like a relationship that is going abosolutely no where. Even if you love him, you need to put your happiness above his, especially since you are not married and don’t have kids/baggage etc. He is just your boyfriend. He doesn’t seem to want to help himself, and you do not want to be with a deadbeat man in his 30′s, beleive me, it will only get worse with time and cause you more pain and stress. It seems that you are the one that has it together.

    Honestly if you’re afraid breaking up with him before Christmas and his bday, just hang in there for a little bit longer, it is not far away at all. Maybe start hinting things aren’t going the way you want them to, you know? You will need to be kind about it of course, but yeah I wouldn’t think ending a realtionship before the holidays would be a good idea!

    Just make sure you don’t stall after that, yes he may be depressed etc, BUT he is 30 years old. He should be able to handle a breakup, just like anyone should. People are resilient and there is always life after heartbreak! Keep yourself together and think about yourself. This isn’t being selfish it is simply doing what is best for you. Hopefully you find a less damaging relationship in the future and this will all seem like the distant past.

    Good luck!

    And remember… people don’t change generally. ESPECIALLY not for someone else, he may someday change, but it has to be on his own terms or it is not a genuine change. Got it? Tell him that if he does get his act together, maybe you guys can try again. But for now, run as soon as you can.

27. 

    Comment by Josia on 05/19/2010 at 4:46 pm

    If you have to ask… well what do you think? But I don’t think you will. You are his savior, so if you really love him and if you are sleeping with him, tell him you are going to stop until he can become enough of a provider to take care of himself at least. Better yet tell him you want to wait till marriage and you will only marry him when he finishes school and moves out on his own and gets a good job. If he ends the relationship over this you won’t have to, and if he performs then you will have helped him grow up. You are his savior, but what is he to you?

    Edit:
    As to waiting, there will always be some reason for you to not just break it off. Excuses, excuses.

28. 

    Comment by Leni C on 05/19/2010 at 4:54 pm

    End it now for both your sakes. You sound resentful, and he sounds immature. Move on, you’ll be much happier.

29. 

    Comment by jen on 05/19/2010 at 5:20 pm

    take some time apart. most guys don’t realize what they got till it’s gone. just explain how you are feeling and that you want to take some time apart to decide if you want to live like that or not. make sure you tell him why you feel the way you do. do you love him? ask yourself that question. girl he needs to grow up and get out from under his momma. maybe you should bring up getting a place with him but you would have to have help from him to pay bills and so on which means he would have to get a job.

30. 

    Comment by *Minnesota* on 05/19/2010 at 6:05 pm

    wait till after finals. then do it. there’s no point in sticking with a relationship if the person in it is going no where in life. you obviously have goals in life, and he doesn’t. How can 2 people walk together if they can’t agree on a direction. Unless by some miracle he decides to do something with his life you are wasting your time, and you deserve someone that is going to help you support a family. Good fo you for getting your degree, but you also need someone else that has similar goals. I was with this guy for 9 months, he was failing all his classes, and decided he was going to drop out of high school (i was only 16 at the time). I broke up with him because my parents told me to, and at first it was horrible, but im so glad i did it now. i still see him sometimes, and he’s not going to college, he lives in low income housing, and had no desire to do anything with his life, and i am now with an awesome guy who’s graduating in a year with a 4 year degree, and i’ll graduate a year after him. i am so much happier with him because we have similar goals in life, and are working to eventually support a family together. Do what’s best for you, and if he’s not going anywhere in life that means leaving him, as hard as that might be.

31. 

    Comment by Hilow H on 05/19/2010 at 6:23 pm

    You might want to tell him to shape up or ship out.

32. 

    Comment by ***bleedingheart*** on 05/19/2010 at 6:42 pm

    I have a man like that and I have been with him for 6 years. Trust me they change a little but never for that long. I would tell him you need time apart to decide if this is what you both want. You have everything together, you should worry about you and the right man will come along and see you for what you are worth. Plus maybe he will see how much he needs you or how much you care and feel the need to change to keep you.

33. 

    Comment by CitizenErased. on 05/19/2010 at 6:56 pm

    It doesn’t sound like a solid relationship that is going anywhere proper. I mean ask yourself, can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him HAPPILY? If the answer is ‘no’, then you should get yourself out of the mess now.
    I know it sounds harsh, and you may love him, but he appears to have no sign of changing. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life looking after a man who is too lazy to look after himself – you deserve better than that! You deserve to be in a loving relationship, with a partner who appreciates you and is willing to help support the two of you.
    When (and if) you break up with him it is entirely up to you. You could wait untill after christmas and finals, but then dumping him all of a sudden might not be a great idea. Talk to him, tell him EXACTLY how you feel. If he replies with ‘the nagging’ then that is your cue to leave.
    Life is short, so don’t waste time. You’re young, and have plenty of time to enjoy life – you don’t want to be held down by a 30 year old man living with his mum! Have fun and when you’re ready, find a guy you love and live a long happy life. It’s what you deserve.
    Hope this helps, good luck.

34. 

    Comment by babblin'brooke on 05/19/2010 at 7:05 pm

    You are young and have plenty of time to mess up plenty more relationships. what I mean is, it’s okay to love him, but if he’s not willing to accept your help, your role will turn into a mother role, and then he will just resent you. In the end you’ll wind up supporting him while he makes more excuses. and his adhd is not an excuse for him to not step up to responsibility. break it now before his behavior changes for the worse, when he could harm you or otherwise. it may not be his fault for his mental condition, but he is still incontrol of his actions.

35. 

    Comment by spiritedrinoa on 05/19/2010 at 8:00 pm

    You need to tell him that you feel this way. I can see that you mention having spoken to him about looking for a job, and that he says you’re nagging, but have you told him how you feel about the rest of it?

    Also, take a look at how you’re talking to him about job hunting. ARE you nagging?

    If you’ve talked to him about everything, you need to be blunt with him. You need to tell him how you don’t feel that anything is going anywhere, and that although you love him, you have given thought to ending the relationship because you don’t feel as though he’s making an effort to move ahead, get a job, and move out of his mother’s place.

    At the end of the day, you aren’t his guardian, you aren’t his keeper, and it’s not your job to protect him from potential upset. You’re his girlfriend, and you both should have an equal investment in making the relationship work.

36. 

    Comment by Tinda on 05/19/2010 at 8:02 pm

    Hi Dear….

    I hope you are alright, I know how it feels being in love with someone and sticking by them just because you pity them….. It is plainly terrible.

    The fact that he had ADHD means that he is quite sensitive….. You just cant leave like that. He sounds like a lazy bum, 30 and still living with his mother? That is just nuts. You can try asking him if the two of you can move into another house together, and contribute to paying the bills….. That might make him realize that you are more responsible than him, then he will get a job and move in with you.

    Try work on your relationship first….. There must be a reason why he went back to school…… he might be wanting something better ; a better education and a great job.
    I am sure you would hate it if you broke up with him and saw him moving in with someone else and getting an even better job.
    If things don’t work out with time, you will definitely find it easier to move on knowing that you have tried everything possible to make things work out.

    Push him a little bit harder….. dot walk in front of him, or behind him….. walk with him.

37. 

    Comment by wac0madness on 05/19/2010 at 9:01 pm

    come on he ain’t leaving his mother, if he hasn’t grown up by now he never will unless you want to live with a child, end the relationship.

    wac0madness

38. 

    Comment by A M on 05/19/2010 at 9:38 pm

    Most important point: He will never change.

    If what you wrote is a problem for you now, then it will be a major issue down the road, especially if you get married. I wish I had gone with my gut and dumped my boyfriend instead of marrying him – the personality issues that were just irritating back then are unbearable for me now.

39. 

    Comment by gentlgodis on 05/19/2010 at 10:20 pm

    Try to find the positive this instead of complain. Give him a chance to find something. Also why would you want him to be homeless if you love him. Because the economy is so bad many people get jobs because they aren’t hiring in many places now. It would be best to try to be understanding and maybe help if you know of places hiring or know managers.

40. 

    Comment by TomT on 05/19/2010 at 10:45 pm

    Let’s see, he has only himself to think about and you have both of you to think about. What’s wrong with that picture? Get on with your life. …without him in it. I know, easy to say, hard to do. Good luck.

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