My wife had an affair and got pregnant; the other man won’t leave us alone. Does he have any rights?
Posted by adminAug 31
My wife developed a really bad addiction to prescription pain killers and cleaned us out in August of 2007. I filed for a divorce and took custody of our two children. I soon discovered she had been having an affair with her dealer after I cut her off of our finances.
In December of 2007 she returned home asking me to take her to rehab, which I did. The day after I dropped her off she called me and told me she was pregnant. I had a vasectomy back in 2005.
We stayed apart until July of 2008 when we reconciled and she moved back home. The paramour has been in and out of rehab four times in 2008 for alcoholism and immediately relapsed upon completing his most recent round.
My wife had informed him that he was the father and he told her there was no way in hell he’d ever give her a dime. When the baby was born I signed the birth certificate and we named the baby after me.
He and his mother call occasionally and he leaves voice mails saying we are going to here from his attorney. He has never seen the baby. His parents barged into the hospital the day our son was born, but we have refused to answer their phone calls since. They also call my wife’s family and try to ascertain her location. I don’t believe that he’s interested in taking legal action, but his mother appears to be pushing the issue.
We obviously don’t want this guy anywhere near our family. He has done enough damage. Can anyone offer any insight?
10 comments
Comment by lost on 08/31/2011 at 9:59 pm
get a lawyer and get a restraining order then you will know how to deal with this situation and if you can move asap otherwise you will have no peace and yes he has rights
Comment by jer_n_me on 08/31/2011 at 10:57 pm
He has rights since he is the biological father. I am not sure what you all could do. Maybe get a lawyer and try to prove that this type of behavior isn’t healthy for a child and maybe you can keep them away that way.
Comment by Christie Brucks on 08/31/2011 at 11:28 pm
well. i hate to be the bad girl here….
but he does have rights to his child. he didn’t make the choice for your wife to come back home. he didn’t make a decision to be a sperm donor.
i’m sorry this horrible thing has happened to your family.
i tend to agree that he should be able to see his son.
Comment by just_me on 09/01/2011 at 12:23 am
he does have a right to the child if he is the biological father but no judge would ever give him custody or even visitation with the way he is acting…
a little personal story that is similar is my sister’s husband and his ex-wife. She had an affair while they were married and led him to believe that their second son was his son, until 3 years later and they were divorced and my brother-in-law went for sole custody of the kids. She slammed him with DNA papers saying the younger son was her boyfriends kid. But the judge didn’t care and said in his eyes my brother-in-law was his father and always would be thus awarding him sole custody of the boys.
The biological father is not allowed to have any contact with my nephew either by the way. He tried to appeal the case and then withdrew and thanks to double jeopardy he can never open that case again!
get a lawyer, and a good one too. it doesn’t matter if it costs you $30,000 (they take payment plans), your child is at stake here. Get a restraining order and protect your family.
God bless you for taking on so much!
Comment by aliceperez77 on 09/01/2011 at 1:13 am
You sound like a wonderful man. Not everyone would take back a pregnant “wife” and agree to raise her drug dealers child as their own. You have a good heart. This women is your son’s grandmother. She wants to know him. Could you come to some agreement when she could see him and get to know him? It doesn’t have to be all the time, but once a month. I think the problem is that if you allow her into your son’s life she will monopolize your life and you don’t want any part of the drug dealer around your life, right. It’s a hard problem. Weight the pros and cons for your son, not anybody else, and decide for him. Good luck
Comment by Been There~Done That! on 09/01/2011 at 1:14 am
He is the biological father. If you keep this child he will forever be a part of your life and the life of the child.
She had a chance to make wise choices and she made bad ones and now all of you will pay the price for the choice she made with this man.
Funny how you can be so quick to admit the damage he has done and you do not mention the damage your wife did when she made the decision she did to have sex out of wed-lock with this man.
Open your eyes!
Comment by Childfree Wolf on 09/01/2011 at 1:52 am
I am not a layer.
I don’t think he has any right (being that your name is on the birth certificate). But all that is up to a judge, and the laws in your state. He is clearly not thinking about how much it will cost him to fight you over this. He is an idiot.
Someone put my name on the birth certificate of her son. I was not the father. But legally I was. A birth certificate carries a lot of clout.
I am afraid you will need a lawyer to handle this. Honestly I don’t think he stands a chance, so long as you have some kind of proof that he said things like, “I won’t pay a dime” or whatever (voice message, letter, or something).
If you have his name, then ask your lawyer to get his criminal record. When you go it court that will help your case because you can prove he will not make a good father.
Good luck
Comment by William on 09/01/2011 at 2:11 am
You should deal with this immediately. First I agree that a restraining order would be good, but I doubt you have the grounds. You need to have a DNA test to make sure he is the father. He has rights, one of which is to pay child support as well as see his child. My guess is when he figures out he has to pay child support until the kid is 18 he will vanish. I would suggest you get an attorney and go through the process to legally adopt the child and have the other man give up all of his rights. When he finds out how much it will cost him I bet he will do this without much of a fight. Don’t attempt to meet and discuss things with him without an attorney.
Comment by Susie Que on 09/01/2011 at 2:45 am
Well since the baby has your name as the father on the birth certificate, there is nothing this other joe blow can do. An if he is an addict, the chances of someone actually believing his story are very slim.
He is only trying to disrupt your life, as he realizes slightly that he has nothing to really live for.
More or less he envies what you have.
Parasites go away with the right pesticide.
Comment by Noomder on 09/01/2011 at 3:02 am
No’ he does not have any type of right to do this. you may have to take legal action against him. it would be about the same as stalking or harassment. there are laws against such things as this. check your state laws, and file charges if you need to do so. if he spent some time in jail. he then may think about, what can really happen to him if he keeps doing this. and back away.