just want different thoughts on adult children living with parents?
Posted by adminFeb 28
My child made a decision a few months ago, to quit his job, become stranger to me and his father but not letting us know where he was at for months. Many times not respoding to any of our phone calls or text messages. Then we get a text message askinf if we have an extra bedroom that he and his girlfriend can live in. ( he is 19 she is 21). He also went to tell us he has overdrawn his bank account, is deliquent on his credit cards and the both of the are addicted to meth and leaving on the street….. this pulled at our heart strings and we set them up in their own apt. this lasted a full 3 weeks, as they got thrown out do to loud fighting.. during this time he was very physical agressive to me ( his mother ) for no reason and has scared me to death. He them went to live at his Dads house, one week later he threatned some teen agers his own age, resistned arised, DUI and is not doing 9 months in county…. My husband and i struggle each and every day as to the what the right thing to do is upon is release. Also need to tell you we have news of his 21 year girlfriend being pregant. Her family has lived homless for more tha 30years… this is just the icing on the cake…any suggestions!
7 comments
Comment by DonaldM on 02/28/2010 at 7:50 pm
First, he needs to go into rehab to break his addictions. Then, you need to set down some rules if you’re going to support him. He needs to get a job, etc.
Comment by Semaj L on 02/28/2010 at 8:33 pm
Rehab, Job, Dump the girl, Start new life.
Comment by Daniel on 02/28/2010 at 9:17 pm
tell him to get a job or take a hike. Meth is illegal, get him in rehab. Also tell him he cant live and have sex with a girl until he is married if he is living in your house.
Comment by Cocobelle on 02/28/2010 at 9:48 pm
I know you love him but DO NOT let him live in your house it won’t work. He needs professional support as nothing you can do is adequate enogh to help him. He needs rehab and do be readjusted into society.
Upon release you need to provide him with rehab, far away from you for as long as he needs it (could be up to a year) once he is out of rehab it is the worst time because he could relapse. The best thing for him would be to live in an entirely different town, and have a job waiting for him that takes up 40 hrs of his week.
If he doesn’t go to rehab on release I promise he is going to end up back in county. It is expensive but it needs to be done whether he likes it or not.
As for the baby, you need to try and get custody of it if you feel you are up for raising another child. If the mother is on Meth there is no way in hell she is going to get custody over you, if at all because child services will probably put it in foster care. 99% of foster children end up deliquants so the baby is really going to need to be adopted for a stable and loving future.
Good luck, its gonna be a hard road.
Comment by <3 Pretty In Pink on 02/28/2010 at 10:06 pm
I am going to get straight to the point. It’s an awful situation.
He is now an adult and needs to be responsible for himself. You have already been there to assist them both on their feet. Unfortunately, it sounds like this is a thing that they will have to learn on their own.
As for the unborn child, the best way you can help your grandchild and parents is to offer to care for that child. (Or even go ahead through to child services to gain temporary custody.) This is not to embarrass them, but to make sure that they are set up to have the resources in order to care for the baby.
They will need to both go to a rehabilitation facility, finish school, or obtain some sort of employment to get themselves established. If they aren’t able to do those things, that child will have a very difficult future ahead.
Comment by K B on 02/28/2010 at 10:48 pm
you need to show tough love. you helped with setting them up in their own apartment and then they throw it back in your face. you helped once and they shat all over it so don’t help them anymore. because whenever you help, you are just helping his addiction. don’t perpetuate it. but at the same time you need to understand meth addiction….it takes hold and is almost like they are possessed. so help him to get better – and not to perpetuate his addiction.
Comment by letterstoheather on 02/28/2010 at 11:14 pm
Yes don’t enable him to use you. He needs to get his life together and get into rehab.
Try some OPEN Narcotics Anonymous meetings — these meetings are run by recovering addicts, and they don’t mince words…. you really may need an education about drug abuse…. you’ve already been used by your son and the girlfriend…. he will continue to try to use you if you don’t learn the mechanics of the addiction of illness and what you need to do in order to protect yourself.
You can find a N.A. meeting and more information here
http://www.na.org/