I’m an adult with an alcoholic mother, please help!?
Posted by adminMay 31
As far as I can remember my mom has enjoyed drinking. Sometimes she’s funny and jokes around, but she has to drink every day and becomes a monster when she drinks vodka. Attacking us emotionally (she’s done it to me and my father and sister multiple times) she gets physically violent, and once when taunting me to punch her, got so angry she began to punch her own face & laugh. This is such a severe problem. I’m growing distant from my mom because I can’ ttake it anymore. I haven’t lived at home for over 7 years, but I am close to my family and we talk multiple times a week, and they only live ten minutes away. Her drinking is self destructive, and my dad, I feel sorry for him. Her rants last hours upon hours, and I don’t know what to do. Alcoholism has killed to of her brothers, both of which took their own lives, and I fear the same for my mom who is a housewive, and always has been. She has one friend, who I call Grandma, but even she doesn’t know about my moms alcohol problem. My sister and I have been talking about getting her committed to get treatment. I love my mom very much. She’s the first person I call when I have good news, or bad news. Sober she is a great woman, but like I said, a monster when she’s drunk. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don’t want to loose this relationship but it is emotionally draining me slowly. Thanks.
5 comments
Comment by Briallen on 05/31/2011 at 8:16 am
Not having first hand experience I can only go from what I’ve heard You can’t help her. She must help herself and I think that you have no choice other than to tell her that you’ll be there when she gets help for her drinking – but not until then. Get details of your local AA meeting and tell her that you’ll even take her there – but she HAS to take that step. Tell her when she’s sober that you love her and that you fear for her – she has to WANT to stop. You need to try and make her want that.
Comment by |strawberry| |fields| |forever| on 05/31/2011 at 8:37 am
It was the same for me, but it was my dad. He abused my mom, verbally, in front of us, and though he drinks less now and sometimes not at all, my mom, sister, and I are damaged in all different ways. my mom divorced him too late, and the damage was done. I can’t tell you whether you should get her help, because she has to want it and unfortunately she may never recover. Some people don’t and you simply can’t predict who will and who won’t. I think you should try an intervention and rehab, but do lots of reearch on the places to take her and the method of intervention. For now, try to stay away from her. I mean emotionally detach yourself from her. She will help herself or accept help if she wants to, and if she is ready. That is the hardest thing to learn: that it is out of your power. I think you should build a rich and fulfilling life for now. Surround yourself with healthy, loving people and work on improving yourself and your career, getting where you want to go, and having fun. Stay close to you grandma. It’s out of your power for the most part, I’m sorry to say. You may not like the idea of this, but try an Alanon meeting. You don’t have to talk to make friends. Listening is nice. It may not be for you. I don’t know. You can love your mom, and she will love you always, despite her problem. Alcoholism is a hard thing. My family isnt fixed and I’m not that wise or lucky, but i hope i’ve helped. Dinnner’s ready!
Comment by little lady on 05/31/2011 at 9:33 am
INTERVENTION!!!!! the only way she can go to rehab is to realize how badly she is hurting you all and then admit herself. rehabilitation is going to be just as hard for her as it is for you to see her drunk but just give her reassurance every day how proud you all are of her if and when she decides to stop. good luck and i really do wish well for you and your family.
Comment by pepsichick12432 on 05/31/2011 at 9:57 am
I think you need to tell her how you feel. Convince her that alcohol is not good for you and convince her to go to rehab. I have the same problem with my mom. I am 14 and have to deal with it. My dad and I convinced my mom to stop drinking by telling her that she is hurting the family by drinking.
I think you need to get her committed to get treatment. She is only going to get worse. I am sorry that this is happening to you. I know how it feels.
Comment by Nick G on 05/31/2011 at 10:02 am
Hi
From what i hav seen and read about alcoholics is that they need to become clean for themselves, they need to do it, no matter how much you want your mum to change, it has to come from her, I think that getting her committed no matter how tempting this is, would ruin your relationship with her, this may be seen as interference and not appreciated, and not be seen as you intended it to be.
I would try and ignore any bad comments, and believe in yourself as a caring individual, and that you are better than she says.
I am no expert on this, but was an alcoholic at 16 yrs old, I gave up because I had my stomach pumped twice and was told by my gp that I would end up with liver failure and be lucky to get to my 21st birthday.
You need to try and point your Mum into a direction that she would be happy fighting for, and it needs to be subtle, so that she believes that it is her own suggestion!
Try research, maybe library or AA for advise.
Hope this helps
Nick G