I tried to kill myself the other night—I lost my job about two years ago ever sinse then I snapped and fell?
Posted by adminNov 29
in deep depression, I never drink I had $500,000 in assets never really lost that much money. Sold several property’s I owned to make up for my job loss. and never seen the inside of a police car or even taking any depression and anxiety meds before and never been to the hospital. I loved my life my wife and my kids very much. I just couldn’t land a good job. And less then two years ago I had an over whelming feeling of wanting to die for about a month. I told my wife this and she did the right thing and made me go to a doctor for severe depression and the Dr. put me on Prozac and a month later my wife was awaken with a noise of me tripping over a chair I had cut both my wrist with a razor blade blood was everywhere. I live in a nice quite neighborhood I pretty sure the whole towns police, fire trucks and ambulances came to my house. Neighbors in there yards looking to see what the hake was going on. I ended up in the mental health hospital with a bunch of retards. I never been right since. I became a retard myself I believe. I started drinking and blacking out ending up in jail, the hospitals and not remembering how i got there and why I was strapped in a bed and what had happened. In less then two years I been in a police car probably about 30 times probably been in the ER about 40 times and probably been in the mental health hospitals about 15 times and probably tried to kill myself for real about 8 times and lived very very close to death about 5 times and I know the next time I do something it will be my last time thats what i think anyways my wife divorced me while I was in jail for a 2nd DUI and got everything and I can’t blame her I put her through hell. I couldn’t even live with myself that why I tried to X myself out. Its been about 6 months since the divorce I never contest the final decree of the divorce. I don’t care about any of the material stuff the big bank account, the cars, the nice house. I just want my wife back and my kids back. I’ve been very depressed taking my meds correctly talking with the dr. honestly. I’ve been on all sorts of meds still nothing is taking the heart ache and shame away. Been going to groups, classes and what not trying to make some sort of stabilization in my life. I have nothing–maybe about $50 and I had to move in with my dad. I’m in my early 30′s. I been clean ever since for about 6 months until yesterday. When I found out my ex-wife who I still love deeply and was hoping we could work it out. Now has a boyfriend and having sex with him I think. I got a 1.75 L bottle of vodka and a bottle of sleeping pills. Somehow I lived again my motor functions wouldn’t work right for about 2 days and spent 3days in the mental hospital again. I do care about my kids a lot. I get to see them regularly fortunately. I’m a very loving person and I care deeply about people but yet I must not care that much when I do what I do. I hate myself for being so weak. I want to die but I can’t kill myself.I don’t want to hurt my kids by killing myself but I don’t care at times and want the pain to stop my heart hurts so much. Do this do that—you got to keep moving –you got to do this —blah blah blah. I heard it all–I’m stuck I keep going to centerstone(the dr. & shrink) Take my meds correctly and be honest with them. I’m just crazy, I got disability for depressing and anxiety by myself the first time I applied–so they must think I’m crazy if 85% of people don’t get it on the first time they applied and have to get a lawyer to get approved. Then they must think i’m nuts and I I’m. I wish I could start fresh and not remember all that crap I did. In order to be happy one must love his life. Howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww do I do that????????????
13 comments
Comment by mystique;; on 11/29/2011 at 6:46 am
blah.blah.blah.blah,
Comment by Kindall on 11/29/2011 at 7:14 am
move to africa
Comment by Hall of Fame Most Suspensions on 11/29/2011 at 7:15 am
In Marine boot camp they told us if we decided we just couldn’t take it anymore and wanted to slit our wrists, to please do it the right way (up the wrist to open the vein up, vs. across), they said if you slit across all it does is just make a mess in the head that needs to be cleaned up…lol…hope that helped
Comment by Chinchilla on 11/29/2011 at 7:28 am
You’ve seen just about every professional there is that can help you with this and you think that spilling your guts on a site where kids can give you advice is going to work?
This kid says, just keep taking your meds and talking to the councilors.
Comment by Kaden on 11/29/2011 at 8:05 am
If you have seriously tried to kill yourself eight times then your on this planet now for a reason, you only get life once and make the most out of it. Granted im only 13 but seriously bro, u have to just straighten up. Get a good job, even if its somthing like fast food. Possibly stay with family so that you can work up money. What by chance do you have in the terms of school? If nothing, go to comunity college, people are more likley to hire if you have a ok education. Hope this helps
Comment by MissAlexandraZ on 11/29/2011 at 8:49 am
well, it sounds to me that your ex-wife and kids are what your world revolves upon. I’m not going to say you are going to win the ex-wife back, but this really needs to be made about the kids. They are your children, they depend on you, need you for support, you are their shoulder to cry on, the person that picks them up, dusts them off, and tells them to try, just one more time. You need to be there for them, and i think that can be your motivation. I don’t know what I would have done without my father there every step of the way, he still is behind me. Forgetting is never something you want to do. You want to learn from your mistakes, so you never make the same ones again. I know you can be there for them, for those kids, they need you, and you need them. Make them your reason to get better, to go back to being you. I wish you the best of luck, and when things get tough, remember, you have to keep going, if not for yourself, for them. Do it for them.
Comment by sssmile. on 11/29/2011 at 8:56 am
that all must’ve been terribly hard to deal with, i don’t know what i would’ve done in your situation
i think you should either go to the ER now and tell them what’s going on or at least speak with a doc, counsellor or priest (depending on your religion, if you are religious that is).
btw, the hospital is really not as terrible as you may think, i was in there when i was 17 and again when i was 18…if you’re in immediate danger they only keep you for 3 days, none of that keeping you for years against ur will stuff you see on t.v…they clear people out as quick as they can to make room for others…also, it’s a really good opportunity to forget all your problems, and try to get a clear head and gain some insight into your problems…think deep and hard about death, do you REALLY want your life to end? you’ll never get a second chance once your dead, but anything is possible when you are alive.
best of luck to you.
Comment by Andrew N on 11/29/2011 at 9:08 am
I cant help you but I will pray for you
Comment by Scorpion on 11/29/2011 at 9:57 am
Anybody who works at one job and only relays on that job to carry him through the rest of his life is not thinking right.
I’m always amazed at Americans that work at one job all their lives and when they get fired or laid off they go postal and think it’s the end of the world.
what were you doing to prepare yourself for a day like this, you must thought about it before, didn’t you ever thought that you are working for someone else and he could fire you or lay you off any time he wants?
did you tried to save some money, acquire some skills, start your own business, apply for other jobs? etc?
I work at three different jobs, I never trusted myself with one job. If you lose one you go to the other one, simple as that.
Plus losing a job is not the end of the world, we weren’t brought here to work for others, it’s just part of life, but not life it’s self.
go back to school, find another jobs, start your own business etc. it’s an opportunity to change your life, you could either make the outcome positive or focus on the negative and make it worse. some ppl will see this as a great opportunity to change their life and take advantage at, sometimes it’s a blessing in disguise.
Comment by Gem on 11/29/2011 at 10:30 am
I dont think your crazy, im not a shrink but have been through something simliar, when you see no way out and when you think you have lost everything you do things you wouldnt have done before. I wish I had some magic words of advice to give you, but all I can tell you that it does eventually get better. Yes it does take time and it takes longer than you think you can wait, but it does happen. The only thing I can really tell you is to keep bugging the doctors untill they find out what will help you, there are many different forms of therapy and lots of different anti-depressants, and unfortunately it can take ages to find the one that will suit you. Think about your kids at all time, and the next time you pick up the bottle, imagine them in front of you. No matter how bad it gets, you do have a little control over your actions, you have to physically pick up the bottle or the razor, and if you decide that you will do anything not to hurt your kids then you can decide to put up with the pain.
When you have got through this you will not want to forget about it, because it does make you a stronger person, and you dont have to love your life to be happy, you say your a loving person and you care deeply, you can find happiness in that, in loving your kids. I know a lot of what I have said you have probably heard before, but its what I can tell you from personal experience. I know you dont believe me right now but you will get through this.
Comment by GUEST WHO again on 11/29/2011 at 10:53 am
tough crowd tonight isn’t well to be perfectly honest with u know one wants to read a book of your life i didn’t read the whole thing i probably would be depressed to reading all that bull
Comment by River City Boy on 11/29/2011 at 11:03 am
You have to take it one day/step at a time. And don’t harm yourself because your ex has somebody else. What did you expect, For her to wait forever? You have to get past that first of all, because you seemed to have been on the right path before you found out she was having sex. Then focus on making a accomplishment. That will make you feel a little better and feel like you can actually get back on track. And from there just keep on taking one step at a time to get back where you want to be in life. And keep loving your kids, they only get one dad! So be an example. Show them that they can bounce back no matter how hard life gets. And I don’t know if you believe in God but the more I read and understand The Bible, the more this life makes sense to me.
Comment by Johnny on 11/29/2011 at 11:36 am
hey, don’t give up….it’s your life, you can change it…I know it’s hard when you’re not yourself and in a depressed state but time will surely heal it….just be patient and true…..don’t be afraid to ruin your life cause you know deep inside you’re a good person and someday it will come out………we tend to make mistakes when we feel lost or alone or deprived or anything that falls into that emotions……someday when you find the courage to move on and start again…you will come back to the person you used to be……you may not be perfect but you can always correct your wrongs…..goodluck, and you’re not alone…..me suffering from depression and suicidal and everything..my life sucks, I barely talk to people, never left home, my life ruined because of racing thoughts and ANXIETY…….well, I am not giving up….if I still have the will to fight, then I will be fighting to get my life back…..