I need advice about children’s Father going to prison?
Posted by adminSep 9
I have a situation with my children. Their real Father has been out of their lives since our divorce 6 years ago. He has not helped support them emotionally or physically. I have worked 3 jobs, have not received any help and am now putting our oldest through college with the help of athletic scholorships… Heres the problem..Their Dad has had a severe Drug problem and is now looking at 30 years in prison and has been in jail and has started writing letters to the kids ( this has been the only time they have heard from him ) He always says “how much he misses them, thinks about them, and how he needs them in his life” It really upsets me that he has that kind of nerve…Where has he been when they needed him? Now, he is trying to get his family, which has also not had any contact with our children, to try and see them to get info and pictures for him.. We had a visit lastnight from his oldest son( from a previous marraige) come to my house to see my daughter, if she had not been in the living room I would have told him she was asleep. He visited and then asked if he could take a picture of her with the camera he had in his jacket. I blew off the question and he left without one! What should I do? I do not these kind of people in my childrens lives, no matter if they are related to them. My ex-mother in law has been trying to get ahold of our 18 year old in college and that worries me too. My 18 year old has a huge heart and I know they will just hurt him in the long run. She is the queen of deniel and guilt. She still feels her son has done nothing wrong, and blames everyone else. How do I talk to my 18 year old and should I try to keep them away? I do not want these kind in their lives, I do not think it is a healthy realationship. They do have a step-father and he gets very upset, and does not understand how this affects them. Help
1 hour ago – 4 days left to answer.
Additional Details
He is going to prison for 4 manufacturing of meth charges
7 comments
Comment by itsjustme on 09/09/2010 at 1:03 am
There’s very little you can do in keeping these people from your 18 y/o. That decision lies totally with him. As for the other child/children, as long as they are under the age of 18 and you have full custody and they have no visiting rights ordered by the courts, you can stop them from seeing or interacting with the children.
Comment by bailey on 09/09/2010 at 1:59 am
just be with them. and be close with God.
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall.
Psalm 55:22 NIV
Comment by George P on 09/09/2010 at 2:58 am
First off all, good on you for supporting your children and raising them right and affording to put your oldest through college. Not many single parents can afford that these days.
I think you should let your oldest to decide if he wants the other family in his life. Tell him the reasons you wouldn’t want him to, but let him decide.
Also, the other children, you should sit them down and let them decide also. You can tell them again they weren’t in their lives and you would understand if they do want to get to know the other part of the family, but they should not help them in any way, since they didn’t help you or your children.
This is tough, but even if your oldest son wants a relationship with his dad and that side of the family, he will seek it out, with or without your consent.
Comment by Amber B on 09/09/2010 at 3:07 am
Perhaps being faced with the prospect of a long time in prison has put his life in perspective for him, and he realizes how important his children are to him. I don’t think you can keep your children’s family from seeing them, even if you have good reason to want to. Sit them down and talk to them about your concerns, and let them make up their own minds about how much they have to do with them. It sounds like you’ve done a good job raising them and I’m sure having contact with these people isn’t going to undo that. Good luck =)
Comment by Trix on 09/09/2010 at 3:36 am
I’m deff. not reading that novel!!
Comment by Stepmom2 on 09/09/2010 at 4:10 am
I really agree with you, these people do NOT need to be around your children. All you can do is explain to your oldest why you don’t think it’s a good idea to be involved with his dad’s side of the family and hope he understands. I would read the letters from their father and pick and chose which ones you let them have. I do think they need to know their father is writing to them because if they find out your were hidding it from them later in life they might resent you for it. Good luck!
Comment by Christopher B on 09/09/2010 at 5:01 am
Well the fact that he is writing to them in letters should make you feel safe about him. And that he is in jail you should feel safe.
It is good that he wants to talk to them, even if it is too late.
Do not keep your kids away, if they can talk, and understand human language, then they should be explained what is going on.
They should know why their father is in jail, and that he wants to speak to them with mail.
To be safe, i would read the letters before giving them to your kids, just to be sure he is not trying to ruin them.
My grandma left my mother on the street corner when she was a kid. When i was 15 my grandma found me, and tried to talk to me. I told her no, that it was not worth my time talking to a stranger.
My sister,who was only 7, however said yes, and now they talk and write to each other all the time.