i feel so badly but what can i do?
Posted by adminMar 31
I have a 1 year old son (a very happy amazing lil boy)
Well today was christmas and one that he finally understands slightly.
His father and i broke up 10 months ago (he no longer wanted to be with me and or my son)
We had an agreement drawn out but he is currently in contempt of the agreement. He last saw our son on his first birthday almost 2 months ago. (that is his doing as i have given him oppertunity) I dont allow our son at his mothers for specific reasons mainly her bipolar that is not controlled properly as well as her extreme alcoholism and suicidal attempts. I allowed my son to go there for day visits but not for overnights and that is where his father resides. She also lives 2 hours away from me which has been a problem for my ex because the distance is too great for him to take our son there and drive him back. (in my opinion its a ridiculous excuse)
So my ex hired a lawyer who contacted my lawyer but has not responded to my lawyer in 3 weeks leading us to believe that my ex has not paid his retainer. He refuses to talk to me directly and got his dad to call me to ask for a xmas visit.
I said that he can have our son on the 26th for the day but he requested overnight. I refused the overnight as our son has not seen his grandfather in 7 months and his father in 2 months and felt it to be unfair to my son to send him with strangers. I feel if my ex wants to be a part of his sons life and enjoy his company he needs to get to know him better.
The 26th was not good for them and they now left plans up in the air because they want him over night.
So today for christmas my ex didnt call or anything to wish his son a merry christmas.
I felt so badly because i enjoyed a wonderful day with my family and my sons dad was missing.
I know i cant do anything but does anyone have any suggestions on what i can do if there is anything??
I just hate that my son doesnt have his dad in his life. And although i have been pretty adiment about my son spending overnights with my ex i have been very accomidating otherwise with visits and access and he just isnt acting on anything. It makes me so sad.
What can i do??
7 comments
Comment by Sarah on 03/31/2011 at 7:50 pm
if he doesn’t want to be a part of his life that is his problem he has the hoice and chooses not to,they isnt anything u can do….just let it go don’t call him let him call and move on
Comment by frillyfroofroo on 03/31/2011 at 7:51 pm
If they take you to court, they might win overnight visits. Ask your attorney about that.
Comment by Susan on 03/31/2011 at 8:50 pm
you are doing the right thing his dad and grandfather could of made plans to come visit him at your home so your son would not of been upset not knowing them there adults there suppose to compromise for the child stick to your guns and protect your son your a very good mother
Comment by Dinesh Gurung on 03/31/2011 at 9:44 pm
sucide
Comment by Softtouchmale on 03/31/2011 at 10:18 pm
The father has to communicate with you and live up to the agreement and any parenting plans.
If you can’t get that done outside of court, file for paternity, establish child support, set up a visitation and custody schedule, and be done with it.
Honestly if he’s this bad about his own child, he seems like he’s a total nutcase loser. Bad news for you and your child because all of you will have to deal with these shenanigans for at least the next 13 years till the boy’s 14. After that he can help decide for himself.
Sheesh! What kind of dad leaves his son behind for xmas?
Comment by Kat365 on 03/31/2011 at 10:25 pm
I know you feel bad but you shouldn’t!! 2 hours isn’t that far away!! My mom drove that once a week to see her mom– I think she did that for years!!! So his father could’ve made arrangements even twice a month or asked you to drive half way!!! I think he didn’t make an effort!!
And I’m not so sure I would allow my son who is still a baby to go on an overnight trip with someone who he hasn’t seen in a couple months!!!
You did good!!! And shouldn’t feel guilty.. Perhaps his father will make proper arrangements for the next holiday instead of last minute.
Comment by Al B on 03/31/2011 at 11:17 pm
You have done what you can do. He chose to leave you and your son so now you have to place your son first before the father’s needs or desires and that includes filing for day visits at your home only> It is a shame he lives so far away but since he left you to live with his alcoholic mother, that is his choice and he has to live with that. It is good when a boy has his father in his life only if the father is a good role model. I am not sure your ex is that good role model. I think also that you should look over this site dealing with relationships and self esteem since it is possible that you need to raise your self esteem again after being dumped by this guy and the you may find someone else who can be a better role model for your son than his own father has been.