My mother was born to an alcoholic abusive father and a codependent mother whose first child died as an infant three years before from Scarlet Fever. She felt unwanted and somehow responsible. Father could not keep job because of alcoholism and the family lived in poverty. She was deprived of basic needs as a child: Her mother confided in her as a friend and told her of her marital problems. She had no control over her environment. She was made to sleep in a baby crib until she was ten yrs. old. She was promised a bicycle, a toy, a pet, etc. every day by her father, but never received one. Father drank away all money. Her mother sent her into the local taverns to look for her father and bring him home. Her father left the family when she was 14 yrs. old and returned when she was 19 She developed into a beautiful woman with very large breasts which she hated. Family suspected her father of sexual abuse, but no action ws taken. She developed eating disorders. She married a man (my father) she didn’t love at age 22. Had botched breast reduction surgery & had all teeth extracted at approx. age 23-25. I was born when she was 29. My sister was born 9 years later. We both feel that she was, and continues to be, an extremely overbearing, controlling and emotionally abusive. parent. At age 82, she is severely depressed, verbally and emmotionally abusive, distrusting & domineering with fits of raging anger. She denies all aspects of her negative personality and blames others, primarily her children and ex-husband (my father left our family after 22 years of marriage), for personal strife, but idolizes parents, especially her mother and feels their parenting had no ill effects.

I am 52 years old and am trying to gain perspective and get closure so that I can move on with my life, but I am blocked. I know that I should just “let go and move on”, but I feel I need more understanding. Can someone shed light and help?

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