I am now 26, and I would like to remedy this to the best of my ability, if any of you are willing to help.
I have really bad dreams at night, I went on here and asked people and they all said those are known as “anxiety” or “insecurity” dreams. I already know that I am very insecure, as my fiance who loves me very much tells me that I am. I always feel inferior. I never knew why, I felt maybe because I was picked on growing up, that was why. But inside, I always knew why.

It’s because of my parents and how they raised me, especially my mom. I don’t want to blame them though, because I love them so much and I know they love me…but growing up, my parents were always working, they left me home alone at 7 years old to watch myself because they could not afford a babysitter (they had me when they were teenagers and moved out and as a result, we were low income.) I had no friends, no brother and sister (I am an only child.) I was not allowed to leave the house, so I was VERY sheltered. Never went anywhere.

My dad drank all the time and passed out on the floor. They always yelled at me for stupid stuff. They laughed at me when I cried. My mom would throw fits (I think she is bipolar) and sometimes she would say she wished she had an abortion. I also remember her breaking a couple of my toys because I got her mad…RIGHT IN FRONT of my own eyes. She still gets like this to this very day….to this day she still hurts me but I keep running back because I know when she isn’t angry, she actually is a good person, she does nice things. She defended me when I was mistreated by others. She took me shopping, she bought me things to make up for her anger. She became like a friend. She just goes back and forth like Jekyll and Hyde.

My dad recovered from alcoholism when I was a teenager, he shaped up and became a much better dad, but I had such hidden resentment built up that when he did want to do things for me and with me like a good dad does I shut him out for a very long time. My mom, I kept close but was scared also at the same time…my fiance helped me to stand up to her bc she was controlling my friendships and my relationship with my fiance, now she is a little more understanding and she likes my fiance but she still insults people and freaks out over the smallest things, and this is why I think she is bipolar.

Now that I have recognized the source of all this pain and insecurity, how can I release this and let it go? And how can I deal with my mom’s abusive ways now, since I am now an adult who is marrying my fiance and I don’t live with her and have to answer to her any more?