Help With Father With A Gambling Addiction?
Posted by adminJul 28
Well, obviously from the title, my father has a gambling addiction. He has said many times that he has stopped but keeps disappearing late at night and also asking me and my family members for money with some story that, at first, I believed but in hindsight understood that they were all extravagant lies. Due to his gambling addiction, my family home of 11 years was foreclosed in 2007 and my mother and father had to file bankruptcy. Not to mention, he performed identity theft on every one of my family members to fund his gambling addiction. I was tempted to press charges but I withheld upon him convincing me that he could pay me back and he would stop gambling. Of course, he could not hold up his part of the deal and I feel like a moron for believing him and picturing him as the father that I grew up with, trusted, and loved.
Every time I try to approach him on this issue, he gets extremely mad, extremely quickly and runs off stomping mad. He has this extremely short temper and, not to mention, this sense of ignorant male pride that nothing is wrong with him and he is capable of taking care of himself. Also, my family is Vietnamese and I can’t speak the language well so my ability to communicate is restricted to hoping he understands my English and my improvisation of Vietnamese with English mixed in.
My first question is where can I turn for some sort of support group to help him and do these groups allow me to join and either comfort him or participate alongside? Also, what is the best way to convince an addict that he has a problem and needs help? Next, how can I counteract his extreme rage of talking about the subject of gambling addiction and calm him down so that a proper discussion could be completed? Lastly, are there support groups that speak Vietnamese in the Northwest Suburbs of Chicago? I feel as though the best way to communicate is through his native language and others who understand the culture as well. Thank you for your time and all your help!
4 comments
Comment by Guardian Angel on 07/28/2010 at 4:23 am
Type “Gamblers Anonymous” and the name of your town into Google.
You should come up with some places that have support groups for your dad.
Vietnamese support groups might be tough, but local Church might help.
You can’t force him to go, but you can tell him how it hurts you to see him with that disease.
Let him know you will probably have to have less contact with him as you get older because it hurts you too much to witness his addiction.
Comment by Megan on 07/28/2010 at 4:35 am
Problem gambling can be cured with the proper treatment which consists of therapy and support groups for compulsive gamblers.
There are various types of therapy for gambling addiction such as psychological, cognitive, behavioral and relaxation therapy either singly or in combination. It is very much important that the person concerned accepts the ever growing affection towards gambling and shows a strong wish to stop his activity. that is, therapy is for those smart people who can understand that they require help.
And I think your father will never be agreed to take any kind of therapy.So you can take him to join Gamblers Anonymous (GA) – a self-help support group program for compulsive gamblers,as a part of treatment.
Gamblers Anonymous
International Service Office
P.O. Box 17173, Los Angeles, CA 90017
(213) 386-8789 – Fax (213) 386-0030
Comment by lessbrain on 07/28/2010 at 5:17 am
First of all you can not heal him alone.
HE must first realize his compulsive behavior is wrong,and you cant explain it to him because he doesn’t understand it.
You cant understand why or how he feels because you don’t understand it.
What you can do is educate yourself about his addiction, by understanding his addiction, then it might put closure to some of your questions.
You can seek a GA program near you.It is also for the victims that suffer from a person that has a gamin problem.
The help you need is to educate yourself on how to deal with the problems that your father has created, and to understand his addiction, to be able to help him on a road to recovery.
A way to help understand is read from other people that are dealing with same problems, read what other compulsive gamblers have to say,and read about what victims have to say.
Try learning more about how to deal with compulsive behavior problems, not just gambling.
remember, it isn’t your fault he is that way,but by educating yourself about addiction, it might not help him, but it will help you deal with the problems he has created.
Try to let him talk about the affects of his addiction, maybe start out with asking about his best win,then ask about his biggest loss just to break ice. Find out about his true feelings by letting him talk about it, and then find out how he feels, where he first started, lotto,bingo, sports e.t.c. The main goal is to pay attention and to let him talk .
Try to keep your feelings out of it,although very hard, get him to talk about his feelings,his likes and dislikes. When you let him talk don’t make comments if you think it is wrong or right main thing is letting him feel he has control, and when he is alone he will think of the things you had talked about and he will be honest with himself , and it will help realize the affects of his problem and what it has done. Maybe then he will be able to talk about your feelings.
Your father understands and is hurting very bad for the actions he has done. If you ask him he is going to put up a shield maybe with anger,and wont let you in, which creates more problems. Try to make him talk,let him be honest with you and create a place he can trust to tell you everything without you judging him, by doing that, he just might realize what the true problem is and how he wants to change it to make it better.
Comment by Ranger4402 on 07/28/2010 at 5:28 am
Maybe this link can get you started.
http://www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/08.01.96/cover/gambling-9631.html
Try googling Vietnamese Volunteer Foundation. If you live in the San Jose area, then this group might be able to get on the path to dealing with this.