Currently, my mother who has met my boyfriend doesn’t like him. My father, has not met him; but my mother was happy to explain to my father what her thoughts of him were and so now my father doesn’t like him.

My boyfriend made a few mistakes; mistakes that occurred before he and I even met. Mistakes that led him to court fines and well bottom line he got a DUI. Yeah it bothers me but I put it behind us, because it happened before he and I met.

I wasn’t planning to tell my parents about his mistakes and the fines he’s been having to pay because honestly I don’t think it’s any of their business. He’s a decent guy; he just made a mistake. I look down upon anyone who drinks and drives; a friend of mine was killed by a drunk driver; but I’m also a Christian woman and I’ve learned to forgive and forget. He doesn’t drink; he’s not a bad person. The way my parents are acting is like he’s robbed a bank or something.

Anyway…somehow someway my mother found out. I realize this is all public record and she was bound to figure it out on her own anyway because she’s run background checks on all of my boyfriends in the past. It’s ridiculous! I know.

So now, my boyfriend can’t stand the fact that both of my parents despise him and want me to have nothing to do with him. We love each other very much; we’ve been together 9 months now; and the relationship has had it’s moments — what relationship doesn’t?

He’d like to talk to them; in hopes that he’ll have the opportunity to get to know them and vice versa. What do you think is the best way he can go about talking to my parents? Taking into consideration that their minds seem to made up and set on their opinion of him.

I felt that it might be helpful to confront them anyway; mentioning that this all happened before he and I met; and he’s taken care of his baggage; and plans to not go that route again. He’s on the right path, etc. We just want them to know he’s apart of my life and would like them to support us; if not just know that he is in my life and it makes it difficult when we don’t have their support. Something along those lines. What is the best way to go about this? What needs to be said? Do you think my parents will eventually come around and learn to like him? They never really took the opportunity to get to know him; my mother is notorious for making judgements before really getting to know a person. My dad never met him; but goes off of whatever my mother says.

Just some backround, my father wasn’t around when I was young. I was raised by my Mother for the most part and then when I got older…my behavior started to decline. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it I was a degenerate. By age 16 I had already put my mother through a lot. DUI, drugs, car theft etc.

At age 18, she kicked me out and I moved down to FL to stay with my father. It was really weird at first because I had a feeling that his girlfriend didn’t like me…then I KNEW his girlfriend didn’t like me. I finished school, moved out and my father and I kind of lost touch again. I rarely spoke to him after I moved out.

Well years later, he invited me and my girlfriend to come to Thanksgiving and everything was going OK….but I had had a little too much to drink. I was drinking a combo of beer, red AND white wine, and scotch.

My Dad walks in the kitchen to discover me having sex with the turkey. It was on the counter, and I was just thrusting into it with SO much lust and desire. My father was simply speechless. He was just SOO confused and disappointed.

Well Thanksgiving is coming up, and I’ve been invited back. I really feel like an apology is in order.

Suggestions?

extra details:
In regards why he waited so long. He tried contacting her, but she never answered. He doesn’t speak much English and when he had court for child support he thought he was going to gain his rights to see the daughter there and he kept calling her and she never answered. She changed her number several times and recently he saw her younger brother (husband’s friend) and he gave him the # and she finally answered. He has two other reasons. We weren’t married then and he wasn’t living in a good environment because he rented an apt with other guys and he knew that was not a good place to have his daughter there. Another thing why he didn’t get close was b/c her older brother said he wanted to kill my husband (but my husband only went out with her for 2 months when she got pregnant. and the brothers new they weren’t dating seriously. so she lied to him and told him she was on the pill, and she got pregnant.) At her house they teach the little girl that saying bad words and using nasty words for body parts is fine and funny, we were at the store last weekend and the little girl said this nasty word. my husband and I turned to see eachother and didn’t know what to say. We have taught my nephew to not use those words. and this family kept starring at us for what she said.. We don’t think that is unfit, but her mom should no allow her to learn that…

*while my son and I were in the same state as him (we were visiting his mom and sisters) he did come over for an overnight visit but by the time he got there my son was alseep and the next day he left to go smoke weed and get drunk with him friends*
He basically has gone years without seeing my son. He turned 2yr last Wednesday and he’s barely seen him. I do have the police report and everything from the domestic violence case.

So, long story short, I have not harassed these people. It has been her mother harassing me for years, and my stepdaughter loved me before all of this. The problems is, is that now she feels like joining her mother in ganging up on me is the only way to gain her mother’s approval…She has told her dad that, and her grandma. She doesn’t want me to come home because her mom will be mad, and so, she’d just rather not see me, and have to deal with it all. And, It’s likely that I’ll win the case, and get the whole thing vacated, but… now I’m9 weeks pregnant with this girl’s little brother or sister, and she has no idea. I don’t want to raise my child or be in a war zone in my own home. What do I do? Serious answers only please, and please read all of the question.
Stephanie, I’m not sure what you’re confused about, but everyone else seems to have gotten it. Please don’t abuse the system by posting your flippant opinion just to rack up your points.

Also, I would like to add.. My fiance and I would have been married long ago, but with my injury, and all of the drama, we decided to wait. And, I call her my stepdaughter because I was the only mother figure in her life for 4 years. My fiance is as supportive as he can be, but what can he do? She’s his daughter’s mother? I admit, he’s not as black and white as I am as far as setting boundaries, and he’s not a vindictive person. he can’t even argue without getting flustered. he is incapable of insulting someone, or proving a point. It’s weird… so I have fought a lot of this battle alone. But, should I just leave? Move closer to my family? How do I deal with this little girl when I move back in. I am resentful (I hate that) but I love her and feel sorry for her too. Her mom is cruel.

Before his son came, we barely spoke, now he is in constant communication with me. He knows that I love his son like my own, and he tells me all that time how he doesn’t want him around the girl he is with bc she is a bad mother to her own kids and hardly speaks two words to his son. His son loves me, and has already asked me that when I get my own place (hopefully moving in a month) if he can come live with me and his sisters. My ex seems to be all for this, but has also told me that he wants to move in with me too.
I told him as far as the nights that I work, that he could spend the night, as I need a babysitter for my children anyway and that will keep me from having to pay child care. (I never let my kids spend the night with him and her because even before he got with the girl he is with I already knew what type of person she is and how bad she treats her own kids because my best friend’s mom is there babysitter).
I believe him about how the girl treats his son and her own. I have known her for years, and she is nothing but an alcoholic and she has gotten many dui’s with the kids in the car, as well as dropped them with the babysitter for days before coming back for them.
My ex told me that at first he was with her, and that they were happy, but that when he told her that he didn’t love her, and found out that she was cheating (which I knew from day one) that things fell apart. His son told me that his dad was sleeping on the couch when he woke up every morning, which only raised my suspisions. Yet, he tells me the only reason he is still there is because he has no other place to go and he doesn’t want his son on the streets.
To thiken the plot, I got robbed at work the othr night, and since then he told me that it made him realize that he can’t see himself losing me and that he wants us to work things out. He said that he realized how much that he loves me no woman has ever treated him better than I do and that no woman could ever be as good to his son as I am. (I pick him up almost every day to spend time with him, buy him new clothes, shoes,etc.) Yet, being lied to as much as I have I am sceptical. He says that if I let him and his son move in with me that slowly he wants us to try to work things out and get back together. He says that things will change and I will see the difference in him right away. He has even told his grandmother this, in which she informed me.

But should I let him come back? Should I give him a chance to show me he has changed? Or should I just let it go and move on with my life? Is it even possible that he could change? Any advice PLZ!!!
This is the girl that was the cause of our break up- yet he didn’t move in with her until he lost his place when he lost his job. I have had some people tell me that he has said that he is just using her for a place to stay until he can get back on his feet… but I don’t know..