as an adoptee how mad would you be if?
Posted by adminSep 1
if you found out you had a mother that was a single person but she decided to keep the first child and not you because she feared raising two children alone and struggled with the one she had but didnt give him up? however you live with a family that wasnt struggling…how would you feel? the father is a heroin addict so he is no good as well and the other child has no father. what would you feel?
would you have wished she had gotten an abortion instead of puting you through all that?
11 comments
Comment by Skyla on 09/01/2010 at 3:30 am
Personally I dont think adoption is the right thing to do. I would do everything i could to support my kid. Yea i would probably be mad.
Comment by Randy B on 09/01/2010 at 4:14 am
I’ve never worried about “what ifs” or what could have been. I focus more on what is and that has not included who may birth parents may or may not have been. I know I grew up in a loving and supportive home, with two wonderful parents who adopted and loved me and who also provided me with wonderful siblings. That is all I have known and that is all that has mattered to me.
Comment by 7rin on 09/01/2010 at 5:04 am
Well since that’s almost what happened with me (the difference being that my dad was away in the army at the time, and didn’t find out I’d been palmed off on to someone else until after the fact), then I think I’ve definitely got the right background to answer this.
Yes, I would rather she’d had an abortion instead of palming me off on to the first people who walked through the door. Luckily for me, it was a sane, caring, loving couple who walked through her door, but I could just as easily have been palmed off on to some of the worst child abusers in history. Unfortunately for me, abortions are illegal when the kid’s seven months old, but seriously, I’d've much rather’ve been ‘aborted’ at seven months old than be palmed off on to the first people who walked through the door.
As my aparents walked out of the door with me, my mom told my then just gone two year old sister to “wave goodbye to 7rin ’cause you’ll never see her again.” Such a caring, loving, nurturing mother I had who so obviously abandoned me to adoption because it was such a loving thing to do. LOL.
Comment by Michelle on 09/01/2010 at 5:53 am
Well when I was 3 I was given up as was my 2 sisters and a brother. A couple of years later my mom had another daughter and a couple of years later another son. She kept both of them. Yes, we were mad. My older sister even asked her if she was going to give them up also. She didn’t. My baby sister is in prison and my baby brother has quit school and sits on his butt all day getting everything he wants. Oh and we all have different fathers. With all this I believe like Randy. I am so glad I have the parents that I have. They gave me so much and I try not to think of the what ifs and all the bad. Yes my mom gave me up but she could of keep all of us and beat us all the time because she was always mad and stressed out. If she would have kept me there is no telling where I would be today. I’m glad she didn’t abort me. Yes I have some issues because of her giving me up but like I have said before the good always out weigh the bad.
Also, why do yall give so many thumbs down to people who are actually happy and thankful for the good life they have? Not everyone wants to live everyday of their life thinking oh poor me my life sux because I was adopted.
Comment by Amanda on 09/01/2010 at 6:51 am
be lucky she even gave you life, don’t be selfish. Just because you were adopted doesn’t mean your mom doesn’t love you she was trying to do the best thing for you. I know its hard to believe, but at least you are alive and have a chance to live life and maybe even make it better. Being a young single mom can be hard and scary and thats probably what happened to her. I would never give my child up for adoption just cus i feel that its my responsibility and no one else’s no matter how old i am etc.. But i am also AGAINST abortion, i work an a day care and plan to be a teacher or child psychologist in the future, children are precious and so is a growing fetus. Abortion is murder, would you really want to be murdered? Do you even know what an abortion is…its extremely graphic and horrific and a terrible horrible thing! But i would choose adoption over abortion if those were the only options..i would want to give my child a chance at life, not murder it!
Comment by LinnyG on 09/01/2010 at 7:45 am
Id be furious. I would have rather been poor and struggling with my Mom and my sibling versus strangers. Don’t do it. And dont believe anyone who tells you that you can do an open adoption. They are not legally enforceable. Your inbox is probably already full from the infertiles who want your baby. They’ve probably already added you as a contact, too. Beware of these types- there’s a reason agencies wont approve them.
Comment by sandra F on 09/01/2010 at 8:36 am
Reading your question and the answers has helped me make an important decision.
I have legal guardianship of three little boys; their mother decided she wanted to be free of all responsibilities….She has aloud me to adopt the baby, she wants the older two but only when they are ready to help her out..when they are old enough to feed themselves, etc etc..
Everyone keeps asking me to adopt the older two also, which in California I will be able to do freely in 10 months
She is so unstable , 23 years old and has never held a job for more then 3 months..never
I don’t want the boys separated
Comment by Sunny on 09/01/2010 at 9:12 am
I just can’t figure out why it seems druggie losers are attractive to women…and these women won’t use birth control.
Comment by kennebunklmt on 09/01/2010 at 9:44 am
I am not technically an adoptee- but I am the oldest child of my biological mother. She had me taken away by the state when I was 4. My father (whim Id never met) decided to take me. Then, she had another child- also taken by the state and went to live with his grandparents.
God bless
Then she had another- who she managed to keep.
I often wonder why losing me didn’t hurt her SO much that she decided to do the right things with my brother. Did I not mean as much?
I am 30 now and have had tons of counseling and realize that those are HER issues. I am FAR better off without her and I do have a dad and step-mom who love me. Yes, it hurts. a lot.
I have tried to talk to her about everything and she just lies to me.
I never ever ever wish I was aborted. I have so much love to give and I feel like my experience can maybe help someone else.
I volunteed at a support group for un-wed teen moms. We have fostered and adopted 2 daughters.
My pain can help others- and if that’s the only good thing that comes from my abuse and neglect- that’s fine with me.
Hang in the honey-
Comment by kaluah96 on 09/01/2010 at 10:15 am
honestly i would be mad she gave me up instead of keeping me or aborting me but at the same time i would appreciate the fact that she gave me up as opposed to raising me with a heroin addict. not to mention there could have been other factors. she may have realized she couldn’t take care of you half way into her pregnancy which would have made it too late. she also may have thought she could get it together before she delivered and just couldn’t and if she was dating a heroin addict she may not have had the money. i would give her a chance because she did what in the end was best for you. you may have issues and you may not be happy but i’m sure your financial life was a lot better than what she could have done for you and in the end she loved you. i’m sure she thought about her decision. I hate adoption ( i’m adopted) but my parents situation wasn’t a good one. i’m glad i was fed and clothed even though i wasn’t in the best situation. and now as an adult i’m trying to build a relationship with both my parents. It may not have been the best decision but i know they meant well. i can’t punish them for thinking they were giving me a better life. weather it was or not can’t be my issue now because what has happened has happened. it’s in the past. all i can do now is understand they love me and do my best to move forward with them as a part of my life.
Comment by Annie on 09/01/2010 at 10:23 am
in my family, my 2 brothers stayed with extended family, and I was placed in foster care and never recovered. I have mixed feelings. I understand that I was an infant and the only girl, and that could have been intimidating… but on the other hand there were 2 sets of grandparents and some aunts and uncles that did not help my mother and father … I am not so much angry as sad, that I didn’t grow up with my big brothers. This is why I wish to adopt siblings, so that they can be kept together and not separated in the process.