as a parent what would you to your divorced daughter if she came to you and?
Posted by adminJul 31
was a new person .its like a stranger living with you .And no matter what you try to understand things shock you .For example
not going anywhere out of house even if the mother /father push her too
spending lots of hour in her room .dont know if she is drinking .using drugs but she sleeps a lot or sit o her PC to play online games
all her friends are away and busy .and she has no job *she is looking but not serious enough*
she binge on food then stop eating ..
help!
11 comments
Comment by Sekhmet on 07/31/2010 at 11:03 pm
It sounds like the divorce has taken the life out of her..maybe she is incredibly depressed and feels hopeless. It also sounds like she is trying to find ways to keep her mind off other things.
You can just keep trying to help, maybe even suggest counseling!
Comment by cherie on 07/31/2010 at 11:26 pm
sounds like she is depressed, keep an eye on her and if things do not change she may need help from a doctor.
Comment by IndyGirl on 08/01/2010 at 12:02 am
Tell her she has ___________ time to get out of the house (for example 4 or 6 weeks).
You have to mean it.
Tell her you LOVE and ADORE her, *and* you will not sit by silently while she slips into nothingness in a room in your home.
You have to mean it.
Start making her pay RENT from now on, too.
She is an adult.
Helping her while she gets on her feet doesn’t mean letting her take advantage of you.
Be strong: with love and grace.
xoxoxoxo
Comment by raynestar3 on 08/01/2010 at 12:52 am
Depression is what it sounds like. Be supportive, not critical of her. Explain that she has so much to look forward to in life still, but if she hides away, she’s wasting valuable time in her life. Everyone has disappointments in life, everyone has their heart broken. She has nothing to be ashamed of and everything still to live for.
Encourage her to see a counselor or therapist. Sometimes depression can be relieved through medication and just having someone to vent to. Good luck!
Comment by jdrumming on 08/01/2010 at 1:52 am
I would insist on her going to the doctor with me. She is obviously depressed from the divorce.
Comment by Sue C on 08/01/2010 at 2:40 am
This whole thing has been rough on her naturally & she’s going to be “different” for awhile. Just don’t pressure her to try to make her do things she doesn’t feel she can do at this time. She’ll be slowly getting better as time goes by. IF you feel she’s going thru a depression tho you may ask her if it would be wise to make an apt. with her family Dr. to see if maybe a mild depression medication could be of help to her. I had problems & had to go on depression meds. They did a world of good for me. She may need help of this kind too. Maybe have a chat with her about it. We see so many ads on TV for depression meds. of all kinds, so it’s NOT an uncommon thing in the least. This may help pull her out of her “down” moods…best to you…:)
Comment by Lilly on 08/01/2010 at 3:12 am
Get her help, all of that are signs of depression. something could be chemically wrong with her, insist she gets a physical and check up.
Right now she sounds very depressed, and since she is divorced she may have no idea what direction her life is going. Sitting down and talking to her is best, if she will open up, if not support her until she feels she can talk. Family counseling may be a good idea as well.
Oh and don’t throw her out like someone suggested… thats stupid, she needs help, and throwing her out would make her depression much much worse.
Comment by Justin on 08/01/2010 at 4:07 am
well as we all know as children grow and change they go through changes epically if they are dealing with a divorce so to a certain extent it is normal for her to act out she is upset about the divorce sad and using acting out as a way to express herself but she seems to be very very bothered by the whole situation i think for children and teens to act out is normal but there is a line to be drawn when they start to do stuff that is physically harmful to themselves and others you need to draw the line i think she needs some help epically with the binging i would know i am 24 now but i became anorexic when my parents ot divorced it started with me doing small thing like getting into trouble at school then when my parents started telling me how the other parent hated mew and didn’t want to deal with me i found not eating as a way to punish myself i think you are a good mom and im sure you are not telling you daughter that but there is some problem she needs a to go talk to some a therapist or someone who can help her through her problems
Comment by Amber on 08/01/2010 at 4:11 am
she is probably depressed. I did the same thing when I was going through my divorce. I slept, watched tv, played video games, or went for really long walks. Everyone works through things in their own way. Be patient and loving but set ground rules too. For example, there is no reason why she can’t go get a job. It would probably get her mind off things and help her boost her self confidence by starting down the road to self sufficiency. Find out if there are any support groups in your area. Be firm about her getting out and doing stuff though. If not it may turn into a mooching situation.
Comment by Truth Sets You Free on 08/01/2010 at 5:02 am
Professional counseling
Comment by Suzy Homemaker loves to read on 08/01/2010 at 5:59 am
Sounds like she’s massively depressed
most people are depressed after a divorce…
change in appetite
sleeping too much
isolating herself in her room
doing mind-numbing activites such as online gaming
no motivation to find work
these are ALL major red flags for clinical depression which requires therapy and often times medication to get through
(unless you’ve seen other signs of substance abuse, I’d say she’s probably just depressed and not neccessarily drinking nor doing drugs)
There are two options here:
option 1 is if your daughter is the type to manipulate or play the victim
then what you need to do is throw alittle tough love her way
tell her she has “X” ammount of time to find a job and then start paying rent, she can’t do that then you’ll be happy to drop her off at the YMCA so she can rent a room there instead
option 2 is if your daughter is the sensitive type, the kind to be easily hurt by men
then what you need to do is be compassionate, get her a therapist and help her realize that the end of a marriage isn’t the end of her life
She needs you now more than ever before,
which really sucks all around because it sounds like you have having a harder time understanding her needs now more than ever before…
Good Luck
PS- in the mean time, you may want to google “red flags for suicide” and read through some of the lists that pop up, just to make sure she isn’t showing too many signs for this-
not all depressed people are suicidial but its better to be safe than sorry