Advice about my baby’s father?
Posted by adminAug 30
I’m 5 months pregnant. My Baby’s father is in jail once again. Its only his second time but its been less than a month. I bailed him out the first time and told him what he could and couldn’t do. His friends are druggies and I told him to stay away from them. He didn’t do so and got caught with a meth pipe. That same day he was supposed to take me to the doctor and never showed up. I’m really sick of him and I’m considering keeping him away from the baby. I still want to do the child support thing though but I need information on supervised visitations and all that. I’m not sure if I have to give the baby his last name or how he would be able to sign the birth certificate while he’s in jail. Please help. Thanks.
More info for some of you:
He is 20.
No, I’ve never been on any illegal substances.
I don’t know if/when he’ll get out.
23 comments
Comment by QueenLori on 08/30/2010 at 9:33 am
He doesn’t sign the paperwork when you are in the hospital; it’s always the mother that signs.
And no, you don’t have to give the baby his last name. You can give the baby yours. Tons of women do that. It’s nothing new.
Comment by damon w on 08/30/2010 at 9:47 am
child support….what child support ..he’s a meth addict…run ..run away fast as u can
Comment by Cassandra on 08/30/2010 at 10:29 am
Man, that sucks. Don’t ever get back with him. And definitely talk to a lawyer about the birth certificate thing. I would not want my baby around a drug addict. Sorry. Don’t put yourself thru that. He’s prolly addicted to it considering that meth is the most addicting drug. Please be smart. My father is a meth head and it’s the worst thing to be around.
Comment by notyou311 on 08/30/2010 at 11:15 am
Why would you pick a loser to be the father of your baby? I feel sorry for both of you. You will have a lifetime of misery. The hospital will give you info about the birth cert. That is the least of your problems.
Comment by zajucomom on 08/30/2010 at 11:56 am
Try this website. It might help. http://www.svnetwork.net/
Supervised Visitation Network – Child Access Social Services -Home Page
Comment by LOLA on 08/30/2010 at 12:05 pm
You do not have to give your baby his last name.
He sounds like a first-class loser.
And do you want your child to have any visitation with a meth head?
Scary.
Comment by candyred1999 on 08/30/2010 at 12:32 pm
First off I think its a good idea to keep him away from the baby until he cleans himself up. Second you do not have to give the baby his last name. Also if he is in jail when the baby is born and does not sign the birth certifiacte, when you contact your state’s attorney general, they will send you paperwork to fill out. There should be a spot that asks you his criminal record and wehter or not you want limitations put on visitation. Put yes and tell them why. A DNA test will be conducted in court to determine paternity so the financial support can be established afterwards.
Comment by Darwin713 on 08/30/2010 at 12:48 pm
Talk to a lawyer!!! That’s the only way you’ll get all the answers you wnt and need. No matter what people say on here, it’s a legal thing and laws atre different in every state and every county! So go to a lawyer who knows what he;s talking about. Don’t leav this to chance.
Good luck sweetie!!!
Comment by Christine J on 08/30/2010 at 1:24 pm
I thing as long as he considers the baby is his there should be no problem with child support. I dont blame you forhaving supervised visits due to his past. lol
Comment by GAMBINO on 08/30/2010 at 1:49 pm
YOUR DUDE IS A DOPE FIEND. DONT GIVE THE BABY HIS LAST NAME. GIVE IT YOURS.
Comment by Lil Mama on 08/30/2010 at 2:21 pm
You’re in a tough situation and you have to do what’s right for your child. If he’s in jail, then he won’t be able to pay child support. You cannot keep your child away from him without a court order, if he wan’t to be in your childs life, he does have that right. You have to find out what his intentions are in being a parent. If he wants to be a father to your child than he has to clean up his act. Talk to a family lawyer about your options. You can give the baby his last name without him being there to sign the birth certificate as well, but that’s your decision.
Comment by david m on 08/30/2010 at 2:38 pm
A difficult question and without much more information it is impossible for anyone to give you good advice.
Be very careful though because there will be a lot of people that will try and give very biased advice!
The one thing I would say to you is – consider your baby first. But also consider what that child will want as it grows up and becomes an adult. Most children want contact with both parents and it becomes very important when they have their own children. Some people do change and many people who go off the rails in their teens recover and become good citizens in the mid twenties.
Comment by melissa g on 08/30/2010 at 2:53 pm
I am truly sorry to hear that your in this situation. If the father of the baby is in jail when you have the baby he will not be able to sign the birth certificate. This means that if you go for child support when he is release he will have to agree that he is the father and not contest the child support. I worry that if the man you are with is smoking meth that perhaps you have tried some illegal substance. Either way change your life and get out now before it’s to late. I deal with people all day that are addicted to drug it will take everything from you including the baby your carrying. Also he probably went back to his old friends after getting out of jail the first time because he already is an addict. Good luck make the right decisions for the baby. You only get one chance to be a good mother.
Comment by tech3901 on 08/30/2010 at 3:04 pm
Its only his second time. What do you mean ONLY. I’m 40 and have never been to jail and you know what it was not hard to do..
Why would you make a baby with someone whos been to jail only twice with drug addict freinds. BTW find a good lawyer for the other problems and in the future you should require more from you men…
Comment by Kellie B on 08/30/2010 at 3:26 pm
My husb had a meth problem and went through rehab. It is really sad but you need to get rid of him or tell him to get help. You should keep him away from the baby and you can if he test positive for drugs, especially meth it’s a horrible addiction!!! Call the child support office in your state for detailed information but you can easily file for child support, I did! Good luck!
Comment by Rico on 08/30/2010 at 4:21 pm
y do u gals fall prey to these kinda guys…
Comment by red on 08/30/2010 at 5:03 pm
I am ashamed to say this, but I was in a similar situation. I decided to give the father another chance. Unfortunatly, addiction is a tough thing to beat. It has been 7 years, and he is still in the same boat.
My advice to you is to get rid of him now. The longer you stay with him, the harder it is. Being a parent is a huge responsibility and this guy can’t even take care of himself, much less a child. It would be in everyone’s best interest to keep him far away from the child. While he is in jail would be the best time to end things. This way he can’t talk you into continuing the relationship.
When in the hospital, you can give the child your last name. The last name has nothing to do with child support. He does not need to sign the birth certificate. He is the father he will pay child support… provided he ever gets his life together and has a job. All that is required is a paternity test. I suggest you get this as soon as possible.
Custody is a separate issue. To get child support, you see the child support office. To get custody/supervised visitations, you go to court. I highly doubt he is going to fight you on the custody because he would need to find a lawyer who is able to prove that he is responsible enough to care for a child unsupervised. And a father who has a criminal record and a drug problem is not likely to be considered responsible.
Good luck to you. Remember, your child does not need the drama of a drug addict parent. The child would be better off without. And you do not need that kind of stress on top of being a mother.
Comment by Casper on 08/30/2010 at 5:55 pm
The best thing to do is to get a paternity test that way you don’t have to worry about that later on down the line. Second, you should give the child his last name if indeed the child is his. Since, the father is in jail it is not neccessary for him to sign the birth certificate. when you are filing for child support show proof of paternity and other evidence proving that the father should not have unsupervised visitation. I do not know what county you are in but you should look at the family court website in your county, they will be able to further direct you in what you need.
Comment by Mantastic on 08/30/2010 at 6:11 pm
OK … you had a baby with a 2-time convict meth-addict who is in prison who you admit to being totally sick of.
You want advice?? UP YOUR STANDARDS!
Comment by susan l on 08/30/2010 at 7:04 pm
first of all, i don’t know ANYONE who has done meth and NOT become addicted. for your mental health, i suggest finding a nar-anon or al-anon mtg close by and utilize their loving experiences with the same type of thing. i really believe 12 step programs are divinely inspired.
IF he wants to get clean, narcotics anonymous is where he’ll find the help he needs.
third, the last name is completely your choice. he has no choice.
fourth, legally only HE can sign the birth certificate for himself as the legal father. i wanted to put my girls’ dad on the birth certificate, but was told i could not. i don’t know if or how to get him to sign while in jail and i don’t know if he’ll be allowed to sign it later when he gets out.
God bless you and your baby. do what’s best for you and your baby. a mother’s job is to protect their children.
Comment by Lord Sesshomaru457 on 08/30/2010 at 7:52 pm
How could you have allowed yourself to get impregnated by a loser? Good luck to you.
Comment by Newtron on 08/30/2010 at 7:59 pm
your doing the right thing. Give the baby his last name, just because you want nothing further to do with him doesnt mean that the baby shouldnt know his/her father later on, but for now he needs to fullfill his responsibilities as a father and later the child may want a relationship. Be open to that and be ready for it. He could change, could take years but you dont want your baby around that.
Comment by GO HARD on 08/30/2010 at 8:39 pm
HE IS A JAIL BIRD LEAVE HIM IN THERE..HAHA